It's beginning to look alot like December

I have to say I'm happy to see November go bye bye. November was a great month, but it was a long month. I didn't think it would ever really end. There was so much going on in November that I just really couldn't pack more into the month. The month is always a busy one because of SRMUN and the work we need to complete leading up to the conference as well as the plans that need to be made for everything else. Real life seems to fade away during SRMUN. We're sealed into our hotel for those days and very seldom do we get out of the hotel for anything other than a quick bite to eat or emergency supply run. Oh but it is so very much fun, at least in the opinion of a poli sci nerd :)  I mean who doesn't love doing simulations of the United Nations?!? They are not only super fun, but they are also super informative! Plus I get to spend five days with the best group of people on the planet! My SRMUN friends/family are truly incredible. We've gone through some rough patches together over the last 12 months and I couldn't have asked for a more incredible group of people to go through the tough times alongside.

SRMUN Atlanta 2013 Staff Photo

All the awesome aside, I'm still happy to see November go because now we are in December and that can only mean one thing - CHRISTMAS!!!!!! Seriously who doesn't love Christmas time!?! For a few short weeks people are a little nicer and everything is  dripping in lights and decorations and oh heck yes I love it all! I love Christmas and all the trimmings which come with it because it was the one season my dad was all about and anything that makes my dad exited is just awesome. Plus when living far away Christmas usually meant we got to see family back home and for the space of a few days we got to spend some quality time with one another. Christmas has always been a big thing for our family and this year I'm super excited to decorate my house for the first time. It's really just a beautiful time in my opinion at least. So farewell November and HELLO DECEMBER!!!!!!!! :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

30 Days of Gratitude: Procrastinators Edition

So I'm super terrible about keeping up with the blogging! I am behind so much on the gratitude for the month, but it by far doesn't mean I haven't had so many things to be grateful for over the last few weeks. As usual it has been a whirlwind of events and activities between work, church, and of course the ever fantastic SRMUN. At the beginning of the month it was really just a push towards getting everything done for work so I could go to SRMUN with no worries. I know I said it before but I was so thankful for those who helped assist get things in place for work. My two co-workers are awesome about helping to pull up the short comings I have and get things together. They are both really awesome and I don't say how much I'm grateful for their help, support, and their talents. Not many co-workers would be willing to help on a weekend when they are both off and busy!

I'm tremendously blessed with so much in my life, especially with family. I have my family-family and the collection of friends who over the years have become a family to me. My family, both those I'm related to as well as those who I've brought into my life are truly an incredible force in my life which are a force to be reckoned with each and every day. I'm never surprised at the lengths my family will go to support and uplift me. There are times I know they didn't just help me, they carried me through the hard spots in life over the last month.

I won't go into serious detail, but I'm ever so grateful for the help of my SRMUN family. SRMUN (Southern Regional Model United Nations) is an experience like no other. There really is nothing like a SRMUN experience. I remember being a first year delegate representing the Islamic Republic of Iran in the Commission on Science and Technology for Development (CSTD for short - yes I know, yes I've made all the jokes as well). Now here I am several years later giving back to the conference which I really will credit with helping me to overcome the fear of public speaking. If I can stand in front of a room full of strangers, representing a country I have never visited, and speak about their programs and efforts I can pretty much do anything. I'm so thankful for the support I've found through MUN and how much my life has been impacted by the things I've learned through my MUN career. Making the decision to stick with the program and continue forward was by far the best decision I've made in my life.

There ares so many little things as well in my life I'm grateful for as well. You know them, the little things which make our lives easier, such as indoor plumbing, heating and air, cell phones which bring us closer, a warm bed on a freezing night, food being readily available for consumption, people who go out of their way to do something nice for someone, and so many more little things. Sometimes I think we forget those small things in our lives which add up to the big things; like waking up in the morning to a beautiful sunrise or seeing the blue sky after days of clouds and rain. The small things in our lives often go over looked and I for one am thankful that at least once a year we are reminded of the importance of taking the time to be grateful for the things and people in our lives which bring us joy and peace.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 4

So I was thinking today what was I most thankful for as I looked around my office this morning and saw stacks of papers which need filing, reports needing tweaking and glaring at me from my computer, trainings, and supervisions needed, and a plethora of other needful things with bright neon signs pointing to them. The more I stared the more overwhelmed I felt at the thought of making sense of it all and finding some way out of the mess I had let accumulate over the past several months. Our previous administrative assistant left us about two months ago and since then with all the other work needed I ended up just letting the filing go by the wayside because let's face it filing takes up times I don't always have each day. I felt overwhelmed for about five minutes before some creative thoughts began and within a few minutes a game plan was formed for tackling it all. I'm thankful today for the inspiration which comes in the most needful of times from our Heavenly Father. I'm thankful for His help and for those moments of clarity which come in the most random of places, but always when needed.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 3

Today as I sat in church listening to the testimonies of others and then hearing the lessons, I couldn't help but think how grateful I am for being a member of the church. I know it is rarely popular these days to profess any amount of religious belief and quite frankly that's another discussion for another day. But as I sat and was reminded of the simple gospel truths I thought of how thankful I was for those truths in my life. I shudder to think where I would be without the blessings of the gospel in my life. Today after dinner mom decided we were a little too consumed with distractions, which resulted in an hour long discussion about our lessons today. We sifted through various aspects of our lessons and the parts the teachers focused on during those lessons. I love those moments and I'm so thankful for the gospel foundation my parents gifted to us.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 2

I know I used this one last year, but it really hasn't changed! I'm so thankful for the temple being so close and being able to go inside each and every week. Sometimes I'm really not in the mood to get up so early on a Saturday morning after a week of early mornings, but I know once I step inside the grumbles will no longer matter. I know just how lucky we are to live in a temple district so close to home and to know we have the opportunity to partake in the incredible work which happens inside these walls. I'm grateful so much for the temple and the blessings it has brought into our lives! Now we're so lucky to have our dad working on the same shift as us and to get to spend some quality father-daughter time each week is just a cherry on the top!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 1

I'm a little behind so there will be some catch up for the these days of gratitude. I seriously sucked last year so I'm working to make sure I do better for it this year. November 1 found me finally back at work after my lovely bout with bronchitis. I do not recommend it to anyone because it was not a fun time. This day I was thankful for awesome co-workers who stepped up in a bind and really helped to keep the process going while I died on my couch. The doctor gave me some powerful cough syrup with codeine in it so I could sleep since the coughing kept me up all night long. Thankfully they were able to field the questions and problems while I went into a coma! I'm grateful for the team we've built and for the opportunities it brings into our work place. Our jobs are not the easiest in the world and knowing we can work together to solve the problems makes the job that much easier to face each morning.

Becoming a better version of myself

Coming off of the heels of General Conference and Stake Conference I am uplifted and inspired by the messages we had the chance to hear over the last two weeks. I'm always inspired by the words of the Prophet, his counselors, the 12 Apostles, and other general authorities. {October 2013 Conference} How can you not be uplifted by their words?! I remember as a youth thinking the 2 hour sessions were quite possibly the most torturous events forced upon me by my parents. I mean come on, sitting for two hours listening to some "old" people talk about something I wasn't interested in learning about or even trials I wasn't yet old enough to face was not my idea of fun.

 As with other things though, as I grew up, not only in age but also in my own gospel study, I began realizing the importance of General Conference and the blessings it can bring into our lives. The two hour blocks of time where we are given inspired instruction became something more as I listened to the voices of men and women who faced many of my trials and kept pushing forward despite the trials they faced. I learned to find strength, peace, encouragement, chastisement, comfort, and acceptance through their words twice a year. For those eight hours { 2 sessions on both Saturday and Sunday, each lasting two hours} the world sits on the back burner and the gospel messages becomes the focal point of our lives. The bubble is real!


 Improvement {i.e. repentance} is a consistent theme throughout the conference. There is always room for improvement for us all, so long as we remember improvement is not because we are broken, but because we are building and crafting a better version of ourselves. One of my favorite poems is the one about the master's touch. The reminder that at times in life we feel like something broken and sitting on the shelf. Along comes someone who helps us move through those feelings and towards a better version of ourselves. Not a different version with someone else's ideals imprinted on us and pushing us towards being someone different, but a version of ourselves who is a little more refined than before, a version of ourselves we can look in the mirror and know we are overcoming our weaknesses and reflecting the image of our Savior.

I missed the majority of Elder Holland's talk, found here, but what I did hear was simply amazing. He always seems to hit the nail right on the head each and every conference. I love listening to his words of gentle {ok well sometimes not so gentle!} rebuke followed by words of encouragement and strength. His talk was entitled Like a Broken Vessel and spoke to how at times in our lives we feel like a broken vessel, barely making the ends of our lives meet together from mental or emotional distress or illness. We feel alone, ashamed, scared, useless, and like a second hand shirt left by the wayside. I love his reminder though. "We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions." How powerful is that thought? Society would have us labeled by our shortcomings, but not our Savior, not the one who was willing to lay down his own life for us all so we could return to our Father. We are not defined by our tragedies or our shortcomings.

This is what conference is about, it is about learning we are more than our limitations and our afflictions. We are truly worth more than we give ourselves credit. As President Uchtdorf reminded us in his talk we need to doubt the doubts before we question our faith.  It's easy to doubt our faith, easy to let that one thought inside that tumbles down the mountains in our mind and becomes a mighty avalanche of heartache, worry, doubt, fear, and feelings of being unworthy of our Savior's forgiveness. We forget the atonement is for us all, regardless of our sins.

I love General Conference. I love hearing their words and the spirit is brings into our homes and hearts as we take their words and apply them to our lives. I love being able to look at my fellow member's feeds and see their reactions to their words and how quickly they spread these days. Most of all though, I love how their words of encouragement help me to become a better version of myself, the version of myself I know my Father in Heaven and my Savior see of myself. I love knowing I can carry their words with me wherever I go now and they can carry me through the hard times in life.
                                                                     

I look forward to April when we can once again join together as members of the church and hear the words prepared for us. We are truly blessed to live in a day and age where we can listen to their words and have them with us with such immediacy to incorporate into our lives. 

Ch-Ch-Changes!

So recently my sister and I made the decision it was time to get off of our duffs and make some changes in our lives for the better. Taking the plunge based on some research {we're both historians so yeah research was a given} and feedback from an awesome friend {thanks Nubia!} we purchased the Fitbit flex. It's been a little over a week and I have to say it does start making you think differently about your activity level and getting those extra steps in each day. I've used ones of those step counters before, but this one is more in depth and more targeted to making you mindful of the choices you make regarding activity. I'm excited to see where it is going to lead, not only for overall fitness, but of the different choices we can then make based on these reminders. 

Health issues run in our family so it wasn't only the decision to get health because we wanted to, but also because quite frankly we need to as well. We've lost too many loved ones to complications from heart disease, diabetes, and other health issues. I mean I know we don't get out of this life alive {kinda a dark thought, but hey it's true!} but I want to make the most of it and live every second to the best of my ability because this life is about expanding our knowledge and learning as much as we possibly can in our short time here on Earth. 

I think it helps when we band together as well to cheer each other on and lighten the burden of becoming a more healthy individual. I think far too often we've been given examples of how to break one another down to feel better about ourselves when really what we need to do is pull together and lift one another up. Technology is so amazing in this effort and we can really reach out and build one another up. We've built our support network to help cheer {and sometimes taunt ;) } us along the way and to remind us when we fail to keep those goals and plans. I'm super excited to see what the coming days, weeks, and months bring with the changes we are making and seeing how the small little things eventually add up to the BIG things in our lives. 

Confessions of a self saboteur

I'm my own worst enemy. I don't need someone to tell me I missed something, I know I did and I beat myself up over it for days on end. Missed a question on a test - five day bender of crying, excessive obsession over reviewing, and restructuring of future study guides (yes I made my own and yes they were awesome). I can go on and give more examples, but you catch my drift. I'm terribly hard on myself. I have been since I was young and as I've gotten older I have only gotten worse. I drive my sister insane with how hard I am on myself as I come home from work beating myself up for not handling something right or letting something get out of control or not getting every last bit of the work completed. Most days I think I set myself up for failure because I set the bar so incredibly high knowing I won't reach that height for one reason or another. My life devolved into a mess of coming home and feeling like a failure who couldn't complete the simplest of tasks.

This week I got to attend a training class on leadership and this woman talked about being enough. She said that after being in her career for so many years she had learned she was finally enough. Enough for herself, for her work, for every aspect of her life she was enough. Now I will say she is a little older, but I envy her statement. I envy her ability to feel confident enough to stand up and say that she is enough for any aspect of her life. I'm no where near being able to say I'm enough, mainly because somewhere down deep I'm thinking I'm not as much as so and so how has good hair or so and so who has this and so and so who is this. I fall into that little trap so dang much each and every day. Really the lengths I put myself through are quite astounding really. I'm my own worst enemy.

I think sometimes though women are trained to be our own worst enemies. We see the pictures on glossy magazines waving in our faces at the checkout lines. Taunting us with images of people we will never be because in all actuality those women don't exist either. They are images of fiction, nipped and tucked courtesy of photoshop and airbrushing. They are caricatures of their real selves on display for the world to see. These are the images we are held up against and throughout our lives we are trained to think unless we are like them we are less than something. I think I drank the kool-aid. Too much of those images and thoughts and ideas wore through my thick skull and left their impression. And I don't just mean in the physical aspect of myself, but in all aspects. I constantly knock myself down and hold myself to some unreasonable standard of excellence that honestly no one could really attain. The trick then becomes bringing what I want to be in alignment to what and who I actually am today. The effort becomes being able to say I am enough, I'm good enough, pretty enough, strong enough, smart enough, and worth enough to keep going forward with my plans and dreams and goals.

Buckets and dippers

A few years ago my mom, sister, and I drove up to Nashville for a Time Out for Women conference. I was still in my first round of undergraduate studies and had some homework assignments I needed to complete our first day so we wandered around Fisk University looking at some interesting art before the conference the next morning. We were late for the start, some accident on the highway backed everything up for miles. It wasn't fun missing the beginning, but looking back i don't even think we missed much of anything. Somewhere towards the middle Mary Ellen Edmunds gave a really incredible talk. She was talking about how we sometimes make assumptions about people without knowing the full story. I don't remember all the particulars, it's been almost a decade since we went to this conference, but I remember her giving some great advice about keeping our dippers out of others buckets. 

We live in a world where it's acceptable to belittle another in an effort to make ourselves feel better. Somewhere along the lines we became okay with putting someone down for some perceived shortcoming they possess. We don't accept people for who they are, what they like or believe or trust. Instead we are only okay with those who look, believe, think, or dress like us. Society has crafted these images of who we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to look like instead of embracing our differences.If we don't look like Jennifer Aniston or Beyonce or any one of the numerous other actors and actresses then our worth to society is diminished. We have become a society  focused on the outward rather than the inward and in the process we've taught ourselves to think little of ourselves. 

I'm the absolute worst at thinking little of myself. I don't think I'm enough of one thing or another. I don't always see the things I accomplish and I always think someone else can do a better job than myself. It drives my co worker up the wall. We've had many of arguments over this fact. In the end it doesn't get me anywhere, it simply robs me of seeng and appreciating accomplishing a task. In essence I plunge my dipper into my bucket, take out some water, and pour it on the ground. I don't put it in someone else's bucket, I waste the hard work I've put into the task. Now Sister Edmunds was talking about how we talk about others and when we do we take something from their bucket but we don't put it into ours, we waste their water (self confidence) by pouring it out into the empty space. Our buckets do not get any fuller by robbing someone else of their water - we don't really feel better when we belittle someone behind their back. Instead it colors our perceptions of those we talk about or mock or make fun of or dismiss.

We talked about this today in Relief Society in our lesson, about being kind and remembering everyone is going through trials. I think sometimes we see people for who we want them to be rather than who are they are currently. When those two don't match up we get angry and frustrated. I know myself sometimes that is my own problem. I want someone to be more than they are now and when they don't live up to that expectation then I'm disappointed, frustrated, and angry. So I let my frustration out to someone else and in the process all I'm really doing is robbing them of their ability by taking water from their bucket and pouring it out. While venting is a part of life, harping on it doesn't change the situation or make the issue go away. Accepting someone for their faults isn't easy and I'm still learning how to do that each and every day, but I know it's worth it for my own peace of mind and progression. 

...And I'm a Mormon

I know we've all seen the commercials, billboards, and other such things with the ...and I'm a Mormon tag line {because let's face it most of you reading this are actually Mormons ;) } but I've never really taken the time to tell the world I am a Mormon. Not because I'm ashamed or scared of repercussions of my religious belief, I faced plenty of questions, comments, and my fare share of jokes in high school. I don't always share because my belief is something I hold quite personal and sacred. I don't feel the need to always explain why I believe what I believe and know to be true and I don't always feel like explaining for the millionth time I do not have multiple mothers {Except those who I love and adore and took the time to make sure I was staying in line growing up} and I do not live on some commune. After this weekend thought I thought it was maybe about time I opened up and shared a little bit about why I believe what I believe and how that belief has shaped me as a person.

We were living in Cape Cod, Massachusetts when the missionaries first knocked on our door. My mom had joined the Church back in the mid 70's when my aunt and uncle were dating and subsequently married. After they married mom remained for a little longer in activity, but the lack of rides and the distance to the church building {an a certain man named Steve Vaught} mom eventually went inactive. Throughout the 80's we were not members of the Church. Mom went occasionally, I remember reading in my baby book she brought me to church a few times when we were living in either South Carolina or in San Diego, but other than that we were not really involved in church. We did the usual Vacation Bible School on base and with some of the surrounding churches near the base while we lived in New Orleans, but it wasn't a steady thing. I still have one of the little crafts we did in VBS. It's hung above my bed pretty much since I made it and even today I still have it hanging up as a reminder for myself.

My beautiful Aunt Nikki

1991 was a rough year. We lost my aunt that Thanksgiving and it changed our lives in countless ways. We struggled with her passing and it brought to the surface many questions for us all. We missed her funeral. Mom had something wrong with a pinched nerve and lost the feeling in her arm. We were on our way down and had to stop in Mystic, Connecticut for the ER because she's couldn't feel anything and dad was worried something else was going on. Long story short we ended up never making it down because of the problem and had to return to the Cape for mom to see her regular doctor and get to the bottom of the matter.

1992 rolled around {yes I know that was 21 years ago!} and we were all still trying to figure things out as best well all could. I don't remember the exact month the missionaries showed up, but it was sometime in the spring because by the summer we were taking the discussions and by September 27th we were baptized. I remember the missionaries coming in to teach us the discussions, first to our dad and then to us. Dad wanted to know what the whole deal was before he involved us in with the discussions. We used to go into the basement and play while they were teaching. Little did dad know most of the time we sat on the steps and listened while he was being taught. Eventually though he was on board with us taking the discussions and from there well the rest is almost 21 years of history.

The conversion process though happened over a period of time. I'm reminded of a few really awesome talks about the conversion process. First is from Elder David A. Bednar {my second favorite only behind President Henry B. Eyring} and is Converted unto the Lord from the 2012 October General Conference. I absolutely love listening to him speak because he always seems to know exactly what I need to hear. I love this talk though for several reason, first of which is because he is talking about the Apostle Paul. Paul is by far one of my favorite people. I was blessed to teach Sunday School during the New Testament and the more I read about him the more I just absolutely loved reading his words. To see the man and apostle he became through his words is simply amazing. I love his story because through it we see what Elder Bednar describes as the deepening of a testimony. It becomes something more than a testimony when it becomes rooted to our being and in our hearts. Paul was truly converted to the gospel. I want that same conversion and I strive in my life to continue to aling my will to that of my Heavenly Father.

The second talk is from Elder M. Russell Ballard and is called Now Is The Time from the October 2000 General Conference. This talk is amazing and really speaks to how the conversion process and is for both new and "old" memebers. Being truly converted like Paul doesn't happen over night and is not only for new members. Even as a long time member now I can truly say it is not something which happens over night. My testimony grows and expands as time passes and I learn more through lessons, talks, General Conference, the temple, scripture study, and priesthood blessings. Conversion also means opening your mouth and sharing what you know to be true.

So here it is, here is why I am after all these years still a Mormon {even though I actually prefer the term Latter Day Saint} and why I will remain so until the end of my days: it's true. The gospel, every little bit of it is true. I don't say this because I've relied on someone else to tell me it's true; I know it's true with every ounce of my being because I've built my own testimony. I've asked the questions Moroni challenged in Moroni 10: 3-5 and I know without a shadow of a doubt the gospel is true. I know our Savior, Jesus Christ, gave his life for us in the Garden of Gethsemane and suffered for us on the cross in Calvary. I know He came to this earth to bring us home to our Heavenly Father. I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and you and only wants the best in life for all his children. I know I'm an imperfect person and I make mistakes but my Heavenly Father put in place a plan for me to overcome my shortcomings as a human being so I can return to his presence. I know Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God who restored the gospel. I know and sustain Thomas S. Monson as a prophet, seer, and revelator for our day and time.  I don't just believe, I know.

It sounds simplistic and some may question it, but my knowledge comes from 21 years of devotion. 21 years of opening my scriptures and finding answers. 21 year of listening to General Conference and feeling that burning feeling of hearing truth spoken. 21 years of saying countless prayers, offering up countless thanks and pleas to my Heavenly Father and finding answers in the quite and still moments. It comes from standing in holy places each and every week, partaking of the sacrament each Sunday, serving others when the opportunities are presented, pouring over the good, the bad, and the ugly. It comes from having stood in the Sacred Grove and feeling the lasting presence of the First Vision, of standing in Nauvoo and feeling the spirit still lingering there, and of being seal together as a family for time and all eternity. My testimony is simple, but bears the marks of 21 years of trials, tribulations, joy, happiness, and laughter. As Elder Bednar says: "Thus, the powerful combination of testimony and conversion unto the Lord produced firmness and steadfastness and provided spiritual protection."

For more information about the Church visit: lds.org, mormon.org  or feel free to ask :)

I'm all made of hinges

Today I was reminded of some advice I received from a previous boss. She was a pretty tough as nails woman who took no excuses, fought for her success, and in general was sometimes abrasive but a person I looked to for guidance in the trying times at work. We had our fair shares of issues at work, managing tour guides, elementary age children and their teachers is not an easy feat let me tell you. Coupled with navigating through the murky waters of a university and the aftermath of the previous individuals did not make the going any easier. On the second or third day of our time in the newly furnished (with hand me down equipment because let's face it budgets don't allow for new furniture) she handed me a little Gumby figurine she'd gotten me. Now I will say I have seen some of the cartoons with the little green guy, but I wasn't a huge fan of the show so I never watched it much but I was quite familiar with Gumby and what was most likely her intentions behind giving me the figure. 

Sure enough came the advice about being flexible in work and understanding how to handle changing gears quickly. At the time I was about 25-26 years old and had managed a few things before, but never really on the level I was looking at with the new position I was moving into for the exhibit. I took her advice then with a grain of salt and moved forward with the other plans and work we had laid out before us to prepare for our opening. Somewhere along the way I lost my Gumby and as things piled on to the other I forgot about the advice of being flexible, not because I was inflexible in my view or my work, just something I had long filed away as something to remember later down the line.

I was reminded of her advice to me those number of years ago. She was right, sometimes we have to be willing to change direction at the drop of a hat and sometimes like Gumby we are stretched a little thin as supervisors and managers. Sometimes we can pull ourselves back together with little assistance, but sometimes we need that extra hand because we forgot our own limits. 

But I've also learned over the course of my time as a supervisor I'm a little bit like a hinge as well. Sometimes I have to bend my plans and schedule around the needs of the day rather than being so rigid. My crystal ball only works great on the past, never the future as my dad used to say to us. I cannot always seen the problems as they come up, but what I know I can do is learn how to bend my needs and wants to match up with the needs and wants of those whom I'm serving. I don't mean a compromise of standards and morals, I'm talking being able to meet someone half way and help when needed and bending to allow the time needed for learning, growing, and developing as a team member. I think as a supervisor those are the hardest lessons to learn. The lessons of how to balance and meet the needs of others, while still making sure you don't walk out of the door every night a zombie because you forgot to take care of yourself. I'm still learning, still making the mistakes, and becoming a better supervisor in the end for the lessons I'm learning in being flexible and willing to bend my own ideas to help incorporate those of others.   

Somewhere over the rainbow

Life has been a bit of a roller coaster the last few months since graduating. Before graduation, I had visions of evenings spent doing things around the house, settling in a little more and planning some updates and changes. It was a beautiful dream I had back then. Full of a hazy dream of running through a field  singing a la Sound of Music style.

Julie Andrews, she's the best! Even though I don't like this movie.

I was going to accomplish so much during the evening hours. I wasn't going to stay at work late, I would eat dinner at a regular time, my house would just be amazing, and I would go to bed at a reasonable time. I know now I was delusional. I was the queen of the state of Delusion. I pretty much failed my second week after graduation and from there it has just gone downhill. More late nights and early mornings fill the space where class work used to be. Now reports for work and random projects seem to take up more of my time than anything.

Life is like that though. We have this image in our mind of what it will be for us and then as the days slip by we start realizing the pot of gold at the end of our rainbow was coal wrapped in gold leaf. Events occur and we change our focus and direction to meet different as the arise. Changing direction though is not the easiest of things to do  though. We get tunnel vision which limits our ability to see outside of our comfort zone sphere. The road ahead looks like a never ending snake of black top we can't see beyond.

There is something promising about a road in autumn, at least in my opinion. 

We also get complacent in our lives, making the leaps of faith into different areas difficult to handle. Or we forget other avenues of support surrounding us to help make those changes easier to bear. Growing up as a military brat change was a part of everyday life. People came and went as orders changed. You got used to the changes and learned how to adapt pretty quickly to them; largely in part because you had no choice the change was going to happen whether you wanted it to or not. Change these days is not as easy as it was back then. I've crafted and shaped a life out here and though I'm not fully satisfied with everything, I'm happy with where I'm at and with what I've accomplished. And even though I'm a terrible work-a-holic and my house is still mostly in boxes in the garage, I know I'll look back in a few years and forget the long days and nights in favor of the good memories. So I guess in the end I'll find my pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. And who knows, maybe it will be fill with chocolate ;) Or even better - pens!

Friendship

"There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature."
Jane Austen, Northanger Abbey

I've been thinking quite a bit about friendship recently, more so now as we've wished several of our amazing temple sisters a heartbreaking "see you later" in the last few weeks. Growing up as a military child saying good bye was a routine event, whether it was for your move or someone else's move saying good bye was a routine event for us. Recently though we've gotten out of practice as we've been here an amazing 16 years now. I've lived in this area for longer than anywhere else in my short years. As I stand on the brink of yet another year I think back over the friends I've made and lost throughout the years. Thanks to social media (i.e. Facebook) it's been easier to reconnect with those long lost friends and being able to carry those friendships over greater distances and for a few moments out of the day feeling like the world isn't such a big place and the strings that connect us together are still there for us to strengthen. 

Sometimes it is funny how friendship develops. Some come quickly as we find in them kindred spirits as Anne would say. We find in them someone who shares our interests or our thoughts. Those are the quick friends who stick with us through many trials in our lives. And then we have those who don't start out as friends. In Relief Society a few weeks ago Sister Boyce (our seriously amazing Relief Society President who I just love!) was giving the lesson on visiting teaching. She talked about how it never failed her route included a sister she wasn't so sure of in the beginning, but by the end the sister was someone she loved. We had a sister leave us this week who was one of these friends. She was a little rough around the edges in the beginning with us, but over the course of this last year and a half she has grown to be an amazing example of steadfast faith in the face of difficulty and trials.  Upon the end of the shift it was such a terrible moment of joy and sadness mixed together as we knew it was the last time we would share our life stories in those stolen and quiet moments in the temple. 

I've come to genuinely love those sisters with whom we serve each week. They are in my life for a reason. While many of them are old enough to be my grandmother, I am truly grateful for their presence in my life. Having lost my grandmother's at a young age - one to cancer 12 years ago and the other to Alzheimer's shortly before her even though she did not officially pass until about five years ago now - having these women in my life has for those Saturday mornings brought them both back into my life. I know they were placed in my life for a reason. I'm so fortunate and lucky to call them my friends and my temple family. When I graduated a few weeks (okay it was TWO months ago!) back I was so fortunate to have one of the sisters we serve with there as she celebrated the graduation of her own son. Seriously I think they shouted louder than my own family! I'm so very blessed to have them in my life. I know my Heavenly Father put them in my life at the time when I needed them all the most. They have carried us through some of the rough patches over the course of two years and I wouldn't trade sleeping in any Saturday morning for being there with them bright and early  in the House of the Lord.

My second home and haven from the storms of life.

I'm not broken...I'm just single

Sister Linda K. Burton

This past Saturday I was so fortunate to attend a Relief Society Conference for our stake. I won't lie I was excited to attend the conference, but I cannot say I was completely bursting at the seams. I had never had the chance and opportunity to hear from the Relief Society General President in person before and since Sister Burton was still so new in her calling I really hadn't had much of a chance to connect with her as I had with previous presidents. I'm happy to say though by the end of the meeting my thoughts and feelings had completely changed. This is one incredible woman. We heard from a few of our local sisters, including our lovely and amazing stake RS President. She is just so funny and I love listening to her. She's this cute Southern woman with just the sweetest nature. Love her. 

Sister Burton was the main speaker though and we were given such great council and wisdom during her time with us. The theme for this conference was Bless the One; you can guess the focus was on how to reach out and bless the lives of those around us, even if we only reach one person. I loved the way she presented the conference theme though. Instead of presenting it as a statement : Bless the One. she delivered it as a question : Bless the One? We get caught up with the grand ideas in life of reaching as many people as possible, but when we touch the lives of just one person we never know how far and reaching that blessing can bring for the future. She told us some beautiful counts of sisters lives who were changed because someone reached out a blessed their lives through something as simple as a a few words of encouragement. She gave some great words of encouragement along with the gentle shove to get out behinds in gear and help with the work we are charge with doing each day. I love when we sisters get our do better talks. Ours are always with loving and encouraging words; the brethren though I do not envy because their do better talks are serious kicks in the pants!

After she finished with the group as a whole she had a meeting with the single sisters who were in attendance. Now I will say there is a conception that sisters in the Church are not valued as anything more than for being baby making machines. For those of you who really know the Church you know this isn't the stance of the Church, but rather something more along the lines of the cultures stemming from people's ideas, even if they are wrong. For the next 45 minutes she listened to these single sisters wonder about their lives and where they were going and how to live their lives without having a husband or children. For those 45 minutes I listened to these younger sisters and for them my heartbreaks because I remember being in their shoes once. I remember hitting 22 and thinking maybe this is the year and then 23 came followed by 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, and eventually 30 and 31. I still found myself without a spouse but somewhere down the line I found myself. 

I found myself putting off the concept I was broken or depressed because I had no spouse. I type this as someone staring down 32 in a few months who has bought a house, walked on the Great Wall of China, traveled to London, Paris and Rome, graduated from college with two bachelor degrees and now my master's degree, and a myriad of other achievements in my 31 years. I write this with the knowledge of myself and knowing I am far more than what the world sees on the outside. My being single doesn't mean I've done something wrong, doesn't mean I've made bad decisions or that I'm worthless than someone who has married and had children. What my being single means is my path in life is different than someone else's path. My being single also doesn't mean I don't know what it is like to be busy, to come home at the end of the day and still have to cook dinner, clean my house, and take care of others. Somehow this concept has been born that being single means I have so much free time in the world. I'm here to tell you I don't have free time. I barely have time some days to shower and sleep most days. And lunch, let's not go there over lunch as I most days don't even take my lunch and then wonder why at 3:45 why I have the worst headache in the world. 

There is this phrase that circulates: don't judge me because I sin differently, or something like that wording. I think the same applies here: don't judge me because I'm not married. I don't go home at night crying because I have no husband or children. I don't think my life has any less meaning because I have no children or husband. I simply think my life has taken a different turn than another's life and maybe it will include children and maybe it will not. The funny thing about the crystal ball is it only works in predicting the past not the future. Meanwhile I keep doing what I do every day and that is wake up and live my life without a question of what if or when or how because at the end of my life I don't want to look back with regrets and thinking I stood in one place until something else happened because that isn't living at all.