Buckets and dippers

A few years ago my mom, sister, and I drove up to Nashville for a Time Out for Women conference. I was still in my first round of undergraduate studies and had some homework assignments I needed to complete our first day so we wandered around Fisk University looking at some interesting art before the conference the next morning. We were late for the start, some accident on the highway backed everything up for miles. It wasn't fun missing the beginning, but looking back i don't even think we missed much of anything. Somewhere towards the middle Mary Ellen Edmunds gave a really incredible talk. She was talking about how we sometimes make assumptions about people without knowing the full story. I don't remember all the particulars, it's been almost a decade since we went to this conference, but I remember her giving some great advice about keeping our dippers out of others buckets. 

We live in a world where it's acceptable to belittle another in an effort to make ourselves feel better. Somewhere along the lines we became okay with putting someone down for some perceived shortcoming they possess. We don't accept people for who they are, what they like or believe or trust. Instead we are only okay with those who look, believe, think, or dress like us. Society has crafted these images of who we are supposed to be and what we are supposed to look like instead of embracing our differences.If we don't look like Jennifer Aniston or Beyonce or any one of the numerous other actors and actresses then our worth to society is diminished. We have become a society  focused on the outward rather than the inward and in the process we've taught ourselves to think little of ourselves. 

I'm the absolute worst at thinking little of myself. I don't think I'm enough of one thing or another. I don't always see the things I accomplish and I always think someone else can do a better job than myself. It drives my co worker up the wall. We've had many of arguments over this fact. In the end it doesn't get me anywhere, it simply robs me of seeng and appreciating accomplishing a task. In essence I plunge my dipper into my bucket, take out some water, and pour it on the ground. I don't put it in someone else's bucket, I waste the hard work I've put into the task. Now Sister Edmunds was talking about how we talk about others and when we do we take something from their bucket but we don't put it into ours, we waste their water (self confidence) by pouring it out into the empty space. Our buckets do not get any fuller by robbing someone else of their water - we don't really feel better when we belittle someone behind their back. Instead it colors our perceptions of those we talk about or mock or make fun of or dismiss.

We talked about this today in Relief Society in our lesson, about being kind and remembering everyone is going through trials. I think sometimes we see people for who we want them to be rather than who are they are currently. When those two don't match up we get angry and frustrated. I know myself sometimes that is my own problem. I want someone to be more than they are now and when they don't live up to that expectation then I'm disappointed, frustrated, and angry. So I let my frustration out to someone else and in the process all I'm really doing is robbing them of their ability by taking water from their bucket and pouring it out. While venting is a part of life, harping on it doesn't change the situation or make the issue go away. Accepting someone for their faults isn't easy and I'm still learning how to do that each and every day, but I know it's worth it for my own peace of mind and progression.