You deserve to be happy

It's been a good long while since I updated this blog of mine. I can't say it's been because life has been so insane I haven't had time to stop, sometimes the exact opposite is the case. I went from working and working and working to suddenly being still. I haven't been still since I was a junior in high school and that was a good long while ago. Being still isn't always in my nature. My parents raised us to get up and go pretty much all the time. There is always something which needs to be done, someone who can use some help, or something around the house which needs cleaning. Or laundry. There is always laundry.

I won't sugar coat anything. There were some low points during the last few month. Points where it wasn't pretty. And I wasn't an overwhelmingly happy person to be around. It took some of the wind out of my sails so to speak. Before it happened I felt like my life was a on a good track, I'd made the decision to go to law school (HOLY COW!!) and I was getting myself together to study for the LSAT and my letters of recommendation emails were in the process of being written. And then the bottom of the plan fell out. Now I'm a planner. I like lists. I like lists on paper and my phone and my journal and the random post it I found next to the door or the fridge or my bed. I have a post it obsession and yes I have that many post it piles lying around the house :) Being home was and still is a change for me. I've seen these four walls and I have gotten close over these four months.

Yes, it's been four months since this happened. Four months of trying and revising and trying again and revising again and yep, you guessed it trying again. There are these things no one tells you about being unemployed. They don't tell you that some days you have to really force yourself into trying. There are days you just don't want to get out of bed because if you get out of bed then you have to be a human and honestly there are moments you think being human is just too much that day. But, you get up and make the day happen. Being unemployed and living on a tight budget doesn't give the luxury of not getting up and trying again. Conversely though, there are days where you bounce out of bed and meet the day with a smile and happy attitude. More often than not it was getting out the bed and meeting the day. There are schedules and plans in place, two things which do well for me. I like schedules. I think I make them in my sleep. I'm a creature of habit, a regular Sheldon of sorts. I'm very schedule driven; being in school and working multiple jobs meant I needed to budget my time wisely.

These four months have been challenging more often than not, but they have also taught me more about myself and what I want from life. At the beginning of the month I made the decision I would continue to pursue a law degree. My sister connected me with one of the lawyers from her office who graduated from GSU and is still active with their alumni association. Speaking with her just confirmed what I already knew, going to law school is the plan I need to follow through on.  She was incredibly helpful and encouraging with her advice. Don't get me wrong, I know law school will be hard and all time consuming. Anything worth doing and worth something though takes time, commitment, and effort though. Scrolling through Facebook earlier I saw a random picture for an advertisement saying you deserve to be happy. We all do. We all deserve happiness. Getting laid off was difficult and really hit me hard, but at the end of the day I haven't given up hope and I haven't given up on my plans or goals. That's another thing they don't tell you when you get let go. You still get hope. You still get happiness. They keep your position, but they don't keep your life or your future. And in the end that is what matters.