So I'm going to be a not so kind person at the moment. My recent job shift was in large part due to a particularly nasty person with whom I worked. This person is the type that if they are unhappy will go out of their way to ensure everyone is unhappy. Not the best of situations to be in because no matter what you might be happy with, they were never content. I didn't realize it at first, everything seemed okay. Then again Jaws, Cujo, Amityville Horror all started out well in the beginning too! I jest, it wasn't like those, okay well maybe a little like Jaws.
It is sad to think that others cannot separate their own feelings from those of another. I'm not always the happiest of people, but by damn if you let me get myself together in the mornings with minimal discussions I will generally perk up by about 11 or so. Nope not them, they were in a bad mood it was all damn day and EVERYONE had to be in a bad mood for the entire day.
I won't go on and on about how miserable this person is nor will I say I wish them any ill will because I do not in the least. However, I will say that karma gets you in the end and has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it. They have now decided to take some "personal" time away from the office, but only after I've left and they had to pick up more of the slack. Oh yeah I find the sudden leave super suspect!
Friday, August 31, 2012
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Life changes
So it's been a terribly long time since I've written, but I haven't forgotten my little space on the internet. Life has been a series of twists and turns the last four weeks. I left my old job, started classes and began a new job. Oh and I finished my summer class and started putting together my final paper for my master's degree. And all this on top of the general day to day living. It's been a busy month, but I love it and won't be complaining because in a few weeks I'm headed to Disney World! :-) Yay.
As I move forward with the new job and find my way through the confusing maze of state government I am comforted in my decision. I know this was the right move to make for myself, not only career wise since it's in the field of public administration, but also because it is more rewarding. For the sake of privacy I won't reveal details, but I can say it's helping people in ways I have never helped before and it's truly something that is life changing.
The sadness though of moving forward is something I had expected, but it is of a different variety. For years I wanted one thing, to work for my university where I received my degree. Not only because it was comfortable, but because I enjoy academia. I enjoy learning, enjoy taking classes (note I do not mention tests! Hate those). I genuinely enjoy the learning process and increasing my own understanding. I know I will carry that love with me for the rest of my life. However, the time to leave was a simple one. Once I made the decision I wanted it to happen, wanted to say I had made the decision and I was moving forward. My great grandparents had a book in their front room (or at least I think it was there, it's been a while so please forgive me if I don't remember.) titled "The Grass is Greener over the Septic Tank." I never really understood that saying as a child. Never had much cause to really ponder the saying, but as I've gotten older that title remains in my head. It has always been a description I think of when making choices. Sometimes the things that are flashy and seem to goo to be true really are too good to be true. I got what I wanted more than anything in the job, but in the end it turned out to be something I didn't need.
I got consumed thinking this was what I wanted, but failed at asking if it was what I needed. The choice wasn't an easy one and came with plenty of thoughts of doing something different and I'm sure in a few months I may ask myself a few million times if I was crazy. Yet I know for me this was what I needed. The first day I stopped at my local store and picked up a few things. I made a quip about the fact that I had misplaced something and that even with all my education I was still scattered on somethings. Long story short the inevitable question of whether I was using my degrees was asked. For the first time I was able to say with a smile I was using all three of my degrees. The feeling at that moment was worth all the trouble over the years. I'm excited to see where the future leads and to what will come later down the line. Or in the words of Pocahontas "just around the river bend" is something else I'm not sure of but I know it will be good.
As I move forward with the new job and find my way through the confusing maze of state government I am comforted in my decision. I know this was the right move to make for myself, not only career wise since it's in the field of public administration, but also because it is more rewarding. For the sake of privacy I won't reveal details, but I can say it's helping people in ways I have never helped before and it's truly something that is life changing.
The sadness though of moving forward is something I had expected, but it is of a different variety. For years I wanted one thing, to work for my university where I received my degree. Not only because it was comfortable, but because I enjoy academia. I enjoy learning, enjoy taking classes (note I do not mention tests! Hate those). I genuinely enjoy the learning process and increasing my own understanding. I know I will carry that love with me for the rest of my life. However, the time to leave was a simple one. Once I made the decision I wanted it to happen, wanted to say I had made the decision and I was moving forward. My great grandparents had a book in their front room (or at least I think it was there, it's been a while so please forgive me if I don't remember.) titled "The Grass is Greener over the Septic Tank." I never really understood that saying as a child. Never had much cause to really ponder the saying, but as I've gotten older that title remains in my head. It has always been a description I think of when making choices. Sometimes the things that are flashy and seem to goo to be true really are too good to be true. I got what I wanted more than anything in the job, but in the end it turned out to be something I didn't need.
I got consumed thinking this was what I wanted, but failed at asking if it was what I needed. The choice wasn't an easy one and came with plenty of thoughts of doing something different and I'm sure in a few months I may ask myself a few million times if I was crazy. Yet I know for me this was what I needed. The first day I stopped at my local store and picked up a few things. I made a quip about the fact that I had misplaced something and that even with all my education I was still scattered on somethings. Long story short the inevitable question of whether I was using my degrees was asked. For the first time I was able to say with a smile I was using all three of my degrees. The feeling at that moment was worth all the trouble over the years. I'm excited to see where the future leads and to what will come later down the line. Or in the words of Pocahontas "just around the river bend" is something else I'm not sure of but I know it will be good.
Friday, August 3, 2012
Nothing gold can stay
Way back in the 8th grade I had this really great teacher who's name is now escaping me, but she was awesome. One of our units was on poetry (this was an English class btw) and we read Robert Frost's Nothing Gold Can Stay. As an eighth grader this poem stuck with me and over the many years since then has come to mean different things in my life. As I plan for a big move in jobs this has come to mind yet again.
Frost writes nothing gold can stay. I have a similar feeling for the job I am leaving. I love this work I do for the a university in the scholarship program. I can see the impact a complete stranger has upon another's life. It's frustrating sure, but then again every job has individual frustrations. The shine of a new job wears off as the realizations of the day to day work settles in and as he remarks leaf subsides to leaf. I think- I know- this has happened with my job. But I still love it and in the end I will miss the people more. I work with some really incredible women who I love dearly. I've worked with them since I was a student starting back in 2007. Making the transition into a full time employee wasn't that hard because of having an established relationship and now that I'm moving on it is a truly bittersweet feeling knowing that nothing gold can stay.
I'm not good with change and this job brings new changes and challenges I haven't faced before. I'm excited for the work I will be doing. It is public service, where my degree lies, and will again help change lives. I'm trying hard to hold onto the last remaining gold leaves in this position I will soon vacate, but alas Eden quite often sinks to grief and though getting my projects completed will find me busy each day, the mental grief of wondering what would have become had I taken the job far outweighs my increased workload. Two weeks in the grand scheme of things quickly flies by us and in the end the decision, though difficult to make, was the right one. Maybe Frost had it right all along nothing gold can stay, but what is left in its wake is something just as beautiful and the dawning of tomorrow brings a new an interesting existence.
P.S. for those who have not read the poem it goes as follows:
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Robert Frost
Frost writes nothing gold can stay. I have a similar feeling for the job I am leaving. I love this work I do for the a university in the scholarship program. I can see the impact a complete stranger has upon another's life. It's frustrating sure, but then again every job has individual frustrations. The shine of a new job wears off as the realizations of the day to day work settles in and as he remarks leaf subsides to leaf. I think- I know- this has happened with my job. But I still love it and in the end I will miss the people more. I work with some really incredible women who I love dearly. I've worked with them since I was a student starting back in 2007. Making the transition into a full time employee wasn't that hard because of having an established relationship and now that I'm moving on it is a truly bittersweet feeling knowing that nothing gold can stay.
The new job presents it's own set of challenges and will push me farther outside of my box than I've every really let myself go. I've lived in academica for years now, since 1999 when I first began college. I've only left for a a few short months before returning with a new focus and zeal, which has lasted six years and resulted in another undergraduate degree and in a few months a graduate degree. But academica was comfortable. I am good at hitting the books. I enjoy hitting the books. Hitting the books doesn't pay the bills and doesn't leave much room for anything else in life. So the books are coming to a close- for the first time in years I will only have one class and it's equal parts scary, exciting, unknown and daunting.
I'm not good with change and this job brings new changes and challenges I haven't faced before. I'm excited for the work I will be doing. It is public service, where my degree lies, and will again help change lives. I'm trying hard to hold onto the last remaining gold leaves in this position I will soon vacate, but alas Eden quite often sinks to grief and though getting my projects completed will find me busy each day, the mental grief of wondering what would have become had I taken the job far outweighs my increased workload. Two weeks in the grand scheme of things quickly flies by us and in the end the decision, though difficult to make, was the right one. Maybe Frost had it right all along nothing gold can stay, but what is left in its wake is something just as beautiful and the dawning of tomorrow brings a new an interesting existence.
P.S. for those who have not read the poem it goes as follows:
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
Robert Frost
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