...And I'm a Mormon

I know we've all seen the commercials, billboards, and other such things with the ...and I'm a Mormon tag line {because let's face it most of you reading this are actually Mormons ;) } but I've never really taken the time to tell the world I am a Mormon. Not because I'm ashamed or scared of repercussions of my religious belief, I faced plenty of questions, comments, and my fare share of jokes in high school. I don't always share because my belief is something I hold quite personal and sacred. I don't feel the need to always explain why I believe what I believe and know to be true and I don't always feel like explaining for the millionth time I do not have multiple mothers {Except those who I love and adore and took the time to make sure I was staying in line growing up} and I do not live on some commune. After this weekend thought I thought it was maybe about time I opened up and shared a little bit about why I believe what I believe and how that belief has shaped me as a person.

We were living in Cape Cod, Massachusetts when the missionaries first knocked on our door. My mom had joined the Church back in the mid 70's when my aunt and uncle were dating and subsequently married. After they married mom remained for a little longer in activity, but the lack of rides and the distance to the church building {an a certain man named Steve Vaught} mom eventually went inactive. Throughout the 80's we were not members of the Church. Mom went occasionally, I remember reading in my baby book she brought me to church a few times when we were living in either South Carolina or in San Diego, but other than that we were not really involved in church. We did the usual Vacation Bible School on base and with some of the surrounding churches near the base while we lived in New Orleans, but it wasn't a steady thing. I still have one of the little crafts we did in VBS. It's hung above my bed pretty much since I made it and even today I still have it hanging up as a reminder for myself.

My beautiful Aunt Nikki

1991 was a rough year. We lost my aunt that Thanksgiving and it changed our lives in countless ways. We struggled with her passing and it brought to the surface many questions for us all. We missed her funeral. Mom had something wrong with a pinched nerve and lost the feeling in her arm. We were on our way down and had to stop in Mystic, Connecticut for the ER because she's couldn't feel anything and dad was worried something else was going on. Long story short we ended up never making it down because of the problem and had to return to the Cape for mom to see her regular doctor and get to the bottom of the matter.

1992 rolled around {yes I know that was 21 years ago!} and we were all still trying to figure things out as best well all could. I don't remember the exact month the missionaries showed up, but it was sometime in the spring because by the summer we were taking the discussions and by September 27th we were baptized. I remember the missionaries coming in to teach us the discussions, first to our dad and then to us. Dad wanted to know what the whole deal was before he involved us in with the discussions. We used to go into the basement and play while they were teaching. Little did dad know most of the time we sat on the steps and listened while he was being taught. Eventually though he was on board with us taking the discussions and from there well the rest is almost 21 years of history.

The conversion process though happened over a period of time. I'm reminded of a few really awesome talks about the conversion process. First is from Elder David A. Bednar {my second favorite only behind President Henry B. Eyring} and is Converted unto the Lord from the 2012 October General Conference. I absolutely love listening to him speak because he always seems to know exactly what I need to hear. I love this talk though for several reason, first of which is because he is talking about the Apostle Paul. Paul is by far one of my favorite people. I was blessed to teach Sunday School during the New Testament and the more I read about him the more I just absolutely loved reading his words. To see the man and apostle he became through his words is simply amazing. I love his story because through it we see what Elder Bednar describes as the deepening of a testimony. It becomes something more than a testimony when it becomes rooted to our being and in our hearts. Paul was truly converted to the gospel. I want that same conversion and I strive in my life to continue to aling my will to that of my Heavenly Father.

The second talk is from Elder M. Russell Ballard and is called Now Is The Time from the October 2000 General Conference. This talk is amazing and really speaks to how the conversion process and is for both new and "old" memebers. Being truly converted like Paul doesn't happen over night and is not only for new members. Even as a long time member now I can truly say it is not something which happens over night. My testimony grows and expands as time passes and I learn more through lessons, talks, General Conference, the temple, scripture study, and priesthood blessings. Conversion also means opening your mouth and sharing what you know to be true.

So here it is, here is why I am after all these years still a Mormon {even though I actually prefer the term Latter Day Saint} and why I will remain so until the end of my days: it's true. The gospel, every little bit of it is true. I don't say this because I've relied on someone else to tell me it's true; I know it's true with every ounce of my being because I've built my own testimony. I've asked the questions Moroni challenged in Moroni 10: 3-5 and I know without a shadow of a doubt the gospel is true. I know our Savior, Jesus Christ, gave his life for us in the Garden of Gethsemane and suffered for us on the cross in Calvary. I know He came to this earth to bring us home to our Heavenly Father. I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and you and only wants the best in life for all his children. I know I'm an imperfect person and I make mistakes but my Heavenly Father put in place a plan for me to overcome my shortcomings as a human being so I can return to his presence. I know Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God who restored the gospel. I know and sustain Thomas S. Monson as a prophet, seer, and revelator for our day and time.  I don't just believe, I know.

It sounds simplistic and some may question it, but my knowledge comes from 21 years of devotion. 21 years of opening my scriptures and finding answers. 21 year of listening to General Conference and feeling that burning feeling of hearing truth spoken. 21 years of saying countless prayers, offering up countless thanks and pleas to my Heavenly Father and finding answers in the quite and still moments. It comes from standing in holy places each and every week, partaking of the sacrament each Sunday, serving others when the opportunities are presented, pouring over the good, the bad, and the ugly. It comes from having stood in the Sacred Grove and feeling the lasting presence of the First Vision, of standing in Nauvoo and feeling the spirit still lingering there, and of being seal together as a family for time and all eternity. My testimony is simple, but bears the marks of 21 years of trials, tribulations, joy, happiness, and laughter. As Elder Bednar says: "Thus, the powerful combination of testimony and conversion unto the Lord produced firmness and steadfastness and provided spiritual protection."

For more information about the Church visit: lds.org, mormon.org  or feel free to ask :)

I'm all made of hinges

Today I was reminded of some advice I received from a previous boss. She was a pretty tough as nails woman who took no excuses, fought for her success, and in general was sometimes abrasive but a person I looked to for guidance in the trying times at work. We had our fair shares of issues at work, managing tour guides, elementary age children and their teachers is not an easy feat let me tell you. Coupled with navigating through the murky waters of a university and the aftermath of the previous individuals did not make the going any easier. On the second or third day of our time in the newly furnished (with hand me down equipment because let's face it budgets don't allow for new furniture) she handed me a little Gumby figurine she'd gotten me. Now I will say I have seen some of the cartoons with the little green guy, but I wasn't a huge fan of the show so I never watched it much but I was quite familiar with Gumby and what was most likely her intentions behind giving me the figure. 

Sure enough came the advice about being flexible in work and understanding how to handle changing gears quickly. At the time I was about 25-26 years old and had managed a few things before, but never really on the level I was looking at with the new position I was moving into for the exhibit. I took her advice then with a grain of salt and moved forward with the other plans and work we had laid out before us to prepare for our opening. Somewhere along the way I lost my Gumby and as things piled on to the other I forgot about the advice of being flexible, not because I was inflexible in my view or my work, just something I had long filed away as something to remember later down the line.

I was reminded of her advice to me those number of years ago. She was right, sometimes we have to be willing to change direction at the drop of a hat and sometimes like Gumby we are stretched a little thin as supervisors and managers. Sometimes we can pull ourselves back together with little assistance, but sometimes we need that extra hand because we forgot our own limits. 

But I've also learned over the course of my time as a supervisor I'm a little bit like a hinge as well. Sometimes I have to bend my plans and schedule around the needs of the day rather than being so rigid. My crystal ball only works great on the past, never the future as my dad used to say to us. I cannot always seen the problems as they come up, but what I know I can do is learn how to bend my needs and wants to match up with the needs and wants of those whom I'm serving. I don't mean a compromise of standards and morals, I'm talking being able to meet someone half way and help when needed and bending to allow the time needed for learning, growing, and developing as a team member. I think as a supervisor those are the hardest lessons to learn. The lessons of how to balance and meet the needs of others, while still making sure you don't walk out of the door every night a zombie because you forgot to take care of yourself. I'm still learning, still making the mistakes, and becoming a better supervisor in the end for the lessons I'm learning in being flexible and willing to bend my own ideas to help incorporate those of others.   

Somewhere over the rainbow

Life has been a bit of a roller coaster the last few months since graduating. Before graduation, I had visions of evenings spent doing things around the house, settling in a little more and planning some updates and changes. It was a beautiful dream I had back then. Full of a hazy dream of running through a field  singing a la Sound of Music style.

Julie Andrews, she's the best! Even though I don't like this movie.

I was going to accomplish so much during the evening hours. I wasn't going to stay at work late, I would eat dinner at a regular time, my house would just be amazing, and I would go to bed at a reasonable time. I know now I was delusional. I was the queen of the state of Delusion. I pretty much failed my second week after graduation and from there it has just gone downhill. More late nights and early mornings fill the space where class work used to be. Now reports for work and random projects seem to take up more of my time than anything.

Life is like that though. We have this image in our mind of what it will be for us and then as the days slip by we start realizing the pot of gold at the end of our rainbow was coal wrapped in gold leaf. Events occur and we change our focus and direction to meet different as the arise. Changing direction though is not the easiest of things to do  though. We get tunnel vision which limits our ability to see outside of our comfort zone sphere. The road ahead looks like a never ending snake of black top we can't see beyond.

There is something promising about a road in autumn, at least in my opinion. 

We also get complacent in our lives, making the leaps of faith into different areas difficult to handle. Or we forget other avenues of support surrounding us to help make those changes easier to bear. Growing up as a military brat change was a part of everyday life. People came and went as orders changed. You got used to the changes and learned how to adapt pretty quickly to them; largely in part because you had no choice the change was going to happen whether you wanted it to or not. Change these days is not as easy as it was back then. I've crafted and shaped a life out here and though I'm not fully satisfied with everything, I'm happy with where I'm at and with what I've accomplished. And even though I'm a terrible work-a-holic and my house is still mostly in boxes in the garage, I know I'll look back in a few years and forget the long days and nights in favor of the good memories. So I guess in the end I'll find my pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. And who knows, maybe it will be fill with chocolate ;) Or even better - pens!