Milestones in life

If there is one thing I have learned in my life: it takes twists and turns we do not always expect. Growing up I used to watch Northern Exposure on this old t.v. I inherited when my parents bought a new one. The t.v was one of those you had to physically change the channel on with the push buttons. I loved that tv and I was so excited to have that tv all to myself in my room. There was one episode where Janine Turner's character Maggie finds this letter she wrote to herself when she was a teenager about what her life was going to be like when she was older. Being a fan I decided to follow suit and write one to myself as well. Maggie found her life hadn't turned out exactly like she had imagined. There were some twists and turns she had never foreseen coming through in her life and it wasn't the picture she had imagined. I can say my life hasn't turned out the way I had imagined - it's better than the vaguely drawn picture I had in my mind. 

I think as children we get this vague idea of how our life will go when we are older. We see adults in our life and wonder if our lives will be the same as their. The problem is we only see the highlights in their lives. We see the good, happy moments that make us long for being an adult as well. As children and teenagers we are not privy to the darker, harder moments where being an adult was making the harder choices and learning how to handle being an adult. We piece together those happy moments and create this distorted image in our mind about how our own lives will be once we've reached some magic age where life just turns into a fairy tale of happily ever after. 

I'm here to day my life has been far from the fairy tale I imagined in this letter to myself. There have been some twists and turns which took me down other paths than I imagined. I never imagined I would get my masters degree, never really imagined college being in my future. But here I sit having completed two bachelors degrees and one masters degree. I look back over the years and think of the paths I've walked down because of these degrees and know these were the paths I needed to take to reach the point I am in my life now. Sure there are things I wish would were different, mainly my height because well 5 foot is not conducive to reaching my high cabinets!, but in all I honestly wouldn't change a thing. If I changed one thing then the great blessings I've enjoyed would be different and I'm not willing to give those up. My masters degree wasn't easy to finish and I know it wasn't easy on my family and friends. But it was worth it in the end because of what I gained during the 2 1/2 years it took to finish the degree. I'm thankful to my friends and family who put up with my complete manic mood swings and level of activity. I've spent the last decade and a half in school. Seriously I started in the fall of 1999 and went through until 2005 and back in 2006. I'm a glutton for punishment. And while I know I'm going to get my doctoral degree, I'm looking forward to the break for the next few years. 

The finish line

The finish line. My finish graduate degree finish line. I actually see that line laying in the road up ahead and holy Moses it is really happening! Somehow getting to this point just seems very unreal. I never really thought I would ever actually finish the program. I knew eventually I would come to the end, but you know how it goes, the finish line is some amorphous idea in the not so close future. I put it off until finally I could not longer put the day off. The time had come as the walrus reminded the little clams. I was little clam and graduation was the walrus bearing down on me. Or rather the practicum paper was bearing down on me. 

Looking back now that I'm finished I wish I had stayed on track. I could have spared myself so much heartache and sleepless nights had I followed the syllabus. However, I know in the end I finished because I was a world class procrastinator who waited and waited and waited for that final minute before I got everything together and turned into the professor. Make no mistake, the failure was mostly on my part and this I fully realize. 

Hindsight is 20/20 as they say though and looking back and recognizing my mistakes doesn't change the course of events so no use worrying over it all. What matters is I pushed forward and in the end the graduation is happening so over the finish line I go and into a world where papers, projects, and presentations are not my nightly focus. 

Reflections of a procrastinator

I'm sitting here still staring at my blank page for my final program evaluation project and I cannot seem to make the words come out of my mind. It's a general stopping block for me at the moment; mainly because I am struggling to even find the motivation to put words on a page. It's killing me because it's due on Monday and I need to get something to my group because this is a group project. I'm generally not a huge fan of group projects, but this one hasn't been a terrible experience. I love it when groups come together and get the work done without just schelping it off on.....


So started this back last week and never finished it. Procrastination at it's finest!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 1

I've been seeing everyone doing a 30 days of gratitude for this month and I thought what a better way to celebrate Thanksgiving than counting the blessings in your life! I know this is four days late but it's the thought that counts not when it is posted. For the first of November I was thankful for something for which I've worked towards these last two years. On November 1st I found out my petition to graduate from the master's program and my senior research proposal were accepted. Oh the joy in my heart as I opened my email and read this sentence: Your petition to graduate has been approved and sent to the Registrar. So. Much. Joy.

I've been working towards my master's degree over the last two years and a few personal issues prevented me from getting it completed this fall. I had to push things back another semester to the spring so I've been a little antsy about getting it finished, mainly I wanted to get it approved so I wouldn't be waiting another year for graduation. This hasn't been the easiest of roads. I'm one of those that will tell you straight up getting my master's degree was freaking difficult and requires far more attention than an undergraduate degree. But in the end I'm not sad I chose to get my master's degree. I look back over the last two and half years and I know it was the best decision I made. There were times, especially during the proposal writing process, I questioned my decision. It's not easy writing a proposal and trying to second guess a man who who questions everything. Every step of the way was a headache. There are no words really to describe how exhausted I was when I finally saw the approval. I've never been more thankful in my life! Such an awesome feeling and I know the next eight months will be torture in every sense of the word, but I know when I walk across that stage and am hooded I will  know in that moment it was worth the headaches, sleepless nights, cross-eyed reading sessions, back aches from siting in front of a computer analyzing data and generally being a hermit while finishing the research. I'm holding onto that moment because that is what is going to get me through.