30 Days of Gratitude: Day 4

So I was thinking today what was I most thankful for as I looked around my office this morning and saw stacks of papers which need filing, reports needing tweaking and glaring at me from my computer, trainings, and supervisions needed, and a plethora of other needful things with bright neon signs pointing to them. The more I stared the more overwhelmed I felt at the thought of making sense of it all and finding some way out of the mess I had let accumulate over the past several months. Our previous administrative assistant left us about two months ago and since then with all the other work needed I ended up just letting the filing go by the wayside because let's face it filing takes up times I don't always have each day. I felt overwhelmed for about five minutes before some creative thoughts began and within a few minutes a game plan was formed for tackling it all. I'm thankful today for the inspiration which comes in the most needful of times from our Heavenly Father. I'm thankful for His help and for those moments of clarity which come in the most random of places, but always when needed.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 3

Today as I sat in church listening to the testimonies of others and then hearing the lessons, I couldn't help but think how grateful I am for being a member of the church. I know it is rarely popular these days to profess any amount of religious belief and quite frankly that's another discussion for another day. But as I sat and was reminded of the simple gospel truths I thought of how thankful I was for those truths in my life. I shudder to think where I would be without the blessings of the gospel in my life. Today after dinner mom decided we were a little too consumed with distractions, which resulted in an hour long discussion about our lessons today. We sifted through various aspects of our lessons and the parts the teachers focused on during those lessons. I love those moments and I'm so thankful for the gospel foundation my parents gifted to us.

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 2

I know I used this one last year, but it really hasn't changed! I'm so thankful for the temple being so close and being able to go inside each and every week. Sometimes I'm really not in the mood to get up so early on a Saturday morning after a week of early mornings, but I know once I step inside the grumbles will no longer matter. I know just how lucky we are to live in a temple district so close to home and to know we have the opportunity to partake in the incredible work which happens inside these walls. I'm grateful so much for the temple and the blessings it has brought into our lives! Now we're so lucky to have our dad working on the same shift as us and to get to spend some quality father-daughter time each week is just a cherry on the top!

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 1

I'm a little behind so there will be some catch up for the these days of gratitude. I seriously sucked last year so I'm working to make sure I do better for it this year. November 1 found me finally back at work after my lovely bout with bronchitis. I do not recommend it to anyone because it was not a fun time. This day I was thankful for awesome co-workers who stepped up in a bind and really helped to keep the process going while I died on my couch. The doctor gave me some powerful cough syrup with codeine in it so I could sleep since the coughing kept me up all night long. Thankfully they were able to field the questions and problems while I went into a coma! I'm grateful for the team we've built and for the opportunities it brings into our work place. Our jobs are not the easiest in the world and knowing we can work together to solve the problems makes the job that much easier to face each morning.

Somewhere over the rainbow

Life has been a bit of a roller coaster the last few months since graduating. Before graduation, I had visions of evenings spent doing things around the house, settling in a little more and planning some updates and changes. It was a beautiful dream I had back then. Full of a hazy dream of running through a field  singing a la Sound of Music style.

Julie Andrews, she's the best! Even though I don't like this movie.

I was going to accomplish so much during the evening hours. I wasn't going to stay at work late, I would eat dinner at a regular time, my house would just be amazing, and I would go to bed at a reasonable time. I know now I was delusional. I was the queen of the state of Delusion. I pretty much failed my second week after graduation and from there it has just gone downhill. More late nights and early mornings fill the space where class work used to be. Now reports for work and random projects seem to take up more of my time than anything.

Life is like that though. We have this image in our mind of what it will be for us and then as the days slip by we start realizing the pot of gold at the end of our rainbow was coal wrapped in gold leaf. Events occur and we change our focus and direction to meet different as the arise. Changing direction though is not the easiest of things to do  though. We get tunnel vision which limits our ability to see outside of our comfort zone sphere. The road ahead looks like a never ending snake of black top we can't see beyond.

There is something promising about a road in autumn, at least in my opinion. 

We also get complacent in our lives, making the leaps of faith into different areas difficult to handle. Or we forget other avenues of support surrounding us to help make those changes easier to bear. Growing up as a military brat change was a part of everyday life. People came and went as orders changed. You got used to the changes and learned how to adapt pretty quickly to them; largely in part because you had no choice the change was going to happen whether you wanted it to or not. Change these days is not as easy as it was back then. I've crafted and shaped a life out here and though I'm not fully satisfied with everything, I'm happy with where I'm at and with what I've accomplished. And even though I'm a terrible work-a-holic and my house is still mostly in boxes in the garage, I know I'll look back in a few years and forget the long days and nights in favor of the good memories. So I guess in the end I'll find my pot of gold at the end of my rainbow. And who knows, maybe it will be fill with chocolate ;) Or even better - pens!

Milestones in life

If there is one thing I have learned in my life: it takes twists and turns we do not always expect. Growing up I used to watch Northern Exposure on this old t.v. I inherited when my parents bought a new one. The t.v was one of those you had to physically change the channel on with the push buttons. I loved that tv and I was so excited to have that tv all to myself in my room. There was one episode where Janine Turner's character Maggie finds this letter she wrote to herself when she was a teenager about what her life was going to be like when she was older. Being a fan I decided to follow suit and write one to myself as well. Maggie found her life hadn't turned out exactly like she had imagined. There were some twists and turns she had never foreseen coming through in her life and it wasn't the picture she had imagined. I can say my life hasn't turned out the way I had imagined - it's better than the vaguely drawn picture I had in my mind. 

I think as children we get this vague idea of how our life will go when we are older. We see adults in our life and wonder if our lives will be the same as their. The problem is we only see the highlights in their lives. We see the good, happy moments that make us long for being an adult as well. As children and teenagers we are not privy to the darker, harder moments where being an adult was making the harder choices and learning how to handle being an adult. We piece together those happy moments and create this distorted image in our mind about how our own lives will be once we've reached some magic age where life just turns into a fairy tale of happily ever after. 

I'm here to day my life has been far from the fairy tale I imagined in this letter to myself. There have been some twists and turns which took me down other paths than I imagined. I never imagined I would get my masters degree, never really imagined college being in my future. But here I sit having completed two bachelors degrees and one masters degree. I look back over the years and think of the paths I've walked down because of these degrees and know these were the paths I needed to take to reach the point I am in my life now. Sure there are things I wish would were different, mainly my height because well 5 foot is not conducive to reaching my high cabinets!, but in all I honestly wouldn't change a thing. If I changed one thing then the great blessings I've enjoyed would be different and I'm not willing to give those up. My masters degree wasn't easy to finish and I know it wasn't easy on my family and friends. But it was worth it in the end because of what I gained during the 2 1/2 years it took to finish the degree. I'm thankful to my friends and family who put up with my complete manic mood swings and level of activity. I've spent the last decade and a half in school. Seriously I started in the fall of 1999 and went through until 2005 and back in 2006. I'm a glutton for punishment. And while I know I'm going to get my doctoral degree, I'm looking forward to the break for the next few years. 

The finish line

The finish line. My finish graduate degree finish line. I actually see that line laying in the road up ahead and holy Moses it is really happening! Somehow getting to this point just seems very unreal. I never really thought I would ever actually finish the program. I knew eventually I would come to the end, but you know how it goes, the finish line is some amorphous idea in the not so close future. I put it off until finally I could not longer put the day off. The time had come as the walrus reminded the little clams. I was little clam and graduation was the walrus bearing down on me. Or rather the practicum paper was bearing down on me. 

Looking back now that I'm finished I wish I had stayed on track. I could have spared myself so much heartache and sleepless nights had I followed the syllabus. However, I know in the end I finished because I was a world class procrastinator who waited and waited and waited for that final minute before I got everything together and turned into the professor. Make no mistake, the failure was mostly on my part and this I fully realize. 

Hindsight is 20/20 as they say though and looking back and recognizing my mistakes doesn't change the course of events so no use worrying over it all. What matters is I pushed forward and in the end the graduation is happening so over the finish line I go and into a world where papers, projects, and presentations are not my nightly focus. 

Reflections of a procrastinator

I'm sitting here still staring at my blank page for my final program evaluation project and I cannot seem to make the words come out of my mind. It's a general stopping block for me at the moment; mainly because I am struggling to even find the motivation to put words on a page. It's killing me because it's due on Monday and I need to get something to my group because this is a group project. I'm generally not a huge fan of group projects, but this one hasn't been a terrible experience. I love it when groups come together and get the work done without just schelping it off on.....


So started this back last week and never finished it. Procrastination at it's finest!

Conquering My Unknown

Standing of the precipice of big changes always makes you look back and reevaluate life and where you want to make changes. I'm standing on that precipice and I'm ready to make the changes but there are a few more hurdles before I can make that leap. I think of that scene in Practical Magic, the one at the end where they are all standing on the roof and they are going to leap and land safely on the ground below. I feel like that though, like I will make that leap and it's a big leap but I'm going to land on my feet eventually.

Graduation is thirteen days away. Thirteen days! I can remember getting into grad school way back in 2010. I remember logging onto the computer to check the status and there it was I was admitted. I busted my butt to get myself ready for the GRE - which let me tell you was no easy feat since I loathe standardized testing and I'm terrible with math. Somehow I made it though and was admitted. I walked into class that first day not sure of what I was doing but I knew I was going to have to work my butt off to get the grades I wanted. My goal was graduating with honors. Unfortunately I won't get that, but I am graduating with a pretty good GPA.

It's a little nerve wracking. I still have to get some of my edits completed and back to my professor. I feel like I'm in editing hell that has to end eventually right? I have to stop myself from emailing her and asking if I have at least a C in the class because if I do I'm done with editing that piece. It's the paper that just won't stop giving no matter how much I want it to end. Alas my overwhelming overachieving little heart cannot accept that grade so I have to  keep plugging away at the paper.

Meanwhile moving has commenced! Not the major moving, but it's some slow motion moving :)

The kitchen

Living room

The apartment looks pretty empty after the day of packing and moving things from one place to another. I suddenly remembered why I hate moving - packing. Packing is the absolute worst. I want one of those magic bags from Harry Potter that Hermione had during the final book. That endless bag she stuffed everything they needed into and just carted it around like any old bag. Yeah where do I get one of those bags?! We still have a ton of packing to do - my books for the most part are still all sitting on the shelves and as we all know they won't pack themselves. Between graduation activities, end of the semester work, packing and moving, and all the "real" work at work I don't get much free time but I'm looking forward to the future and while nervous, excited to take that leap into the unknown. More pictures to follow as we get things moved in and settled.

I'm buying a house!

Okay well it's a townhouse but still I'm actually buying it! I'm super excited and a little nervous, but I'm excited to take this step. The entire process has taken a little over a month, which I know when compared with the others experience is a little different. A friend whet through the process and it was not nice to say the least. I'm so exceptionally excited for the move forward and the changes it's going to bring. I've had the offer in for almost a week, but I didn't want to say anything until it was accepted. It wasn't the best of days, work tends to just blow things up for sure, but I saw the email and after a few phone calls it was mine :) Now reality sets in and it's time to get things cleaned up here and move out and up :)

My one thing

Eleanor Roosevelt is attributed with saying "Do one thing everyday that scares you." Today I think I sufficiently lived up to that statement. Most of you know the reason, but for those who don't sorry I'm not sharing at this point; not because I don't want to share with you the reason, but more to protect myself if things don't work out according to my plan. I will say it's is nothing dangerous - okay maybe it's a little dangerous because of the major risk associated with the long term repercussions of the decision, but one I'm willing to take because sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a rut.

Completely how I feel!

 I know we all at one point or another in our lives feel like we are stuck in one of these kinds of ruts. We start to let the daily activities wear on us and before we know it we are walking and breathing the phrase "same crap, different day." I don't think we're always aware of being stuck in these ruts either until it's too late, until we've reached the point we're so embedded into them we need something drastic to shake it up for us. In this case mine was very much embedded in me and it's going to be a tough habit to break. You see I've been in college since 1999. No really- I've been in college for the better part of 14 years. Now I will say I have completed 2 undergraduate degrees and almost finished my master's degree, but still 14 years. Now I will say it hasn't always felt like a rut and I genuinely enjoy learning. However, the time has come to bid it farewell and get on with life, which leads me right back to my original thoughts.

I initiated the process not long ago and now it's starting to become real because more and more things are moving along with the changes. It's scary to me to think of making the leap because it's not one I imagined I would make for a few more years. Yet I made the decision and haven't really looked back. Even with more information coming I still feel at peace with the decision and move forward with having the full support of my family. For me that's a major aspect, knowing my family is supportive of the decision and how awesome they've been in giving me advice and encouragement. Eleanor was right, we need to do that one thing because sometimes we need that one thing to pull us up from the rut and back on our paths again.

And the next destination is....

 

 We're going to Ireland!!!!!!!!!!!! We've been kicking the idea around a for while and we finally made the decision to just jump in and go. :) We were originally planning on using the same company we used last time, but things have changed so we decided to go this around on our own. It's a tad bit nerve racking to do this without a plan and itinerary {I'm a MAJOR fan of planning and lists} up front like from London, Paris, and Rome; but it's going to be okay. We are still in the figuring out stages and finding plane tickets, but WE'RE GOING TO IRELAND!!!!!!!!!

It's the small things in life

 

Sometimes it's the small things in life that make us happy- like a new radio. When I bought my lovely little Hugo almost two years ago now I was happy to see there was a radio with a cd player and a USB port. Even though my drive wasn't terribly long {at the time I lived about six miles from work} I still needed music to make the drive a happy one. Eventually though I noticed there was something not quite right with the radio. Every time I hit a bump, thought about a bump in the road, sneezed, had a thought, touched the radio, thought about touching the radio, tried to change the cd, and the list goes one the radio would reset itself. It was so amazingly annoying! Long car rides were just a lesson in frustration because the stupid radio just reset itself every two seconds. Sure there were stretches where the radio actually did what it was supposed to do- play music without any interruptions - but those became few and far between. I've got a pretty short temper and I will admit there were times I would just give the stupid thing a few well placed smacks. Not a good move since my thumb kept making contact with the little lip on the compartment above the radio. 

Finally I reached a breaking point today and figured in the time that I've spent killing the other one I could have replaced it and been done with the trouble and the headaches. Considering I spend a fair amount of time in my car each week for work I need something that I won't feel such rage towards every day. So I made a phone call and made my way to get the issue resolved. Two hours and a few bucks later I drove away with the new radio and didn't have to worry about pulling over to the side of the road to kill my radio with my shoe. Oh the joy of driving away and not having my song stop five or six times because the stupid thing reset itself yet again. It's the small things in life that make such a difference! Here's to some happier driving time with the new radio that is also bluetooth ready and lets me answer my phone without having to touch my phone!