Becoming a better version of myself

Coming off of the heels of General Conference and Stake Conference I am uplifted and inspired by the messages we had the chance to hear over the last two weeks. I'm always inspired by the words of the Prophet, his counselors, the 12 Apostles, and other general authorities. {October 2013 Conference} How can you not be uplifted by their words?! I remember as a youth thinking the 2 hour sessions were quite possibly the most torturous events forced upon me by my parents. I mean come on, sitting for two hours listening to some "old" people talk about something I wasn't interested in learning about or even trials I wasn't yet old enough to face was not my idea of fun.

 As with other things though, as I grew up, not only in age but also in my own gospel study, I began realizing the importance of General Conference and the blessings it can bring into our lives. The two hour blocks of time where we are given inspired instruction became something more as I listened to the voices of men and women who faced many of my trials and kept pushing forward despite the trials they faced. I learned to find strength, peace, encouragement, chastisement, comfort, and acceptance through their words twice a year. For those eight hours { 2 sessions on both Saturday and Sunday, each lasting two hours} the world sits on the back burner and the gospel messages becomes the focal point of our lives. The bubble is real!


 Improvement {i.e. repentance} is a consistent theme throughout the conference. There is always room for improvement for us all, so long as we remember improvement is not because we are broken, but because we are building and crafting a better version of ourselves. One of my favorite poems is the one about the master's touch. The reminder that at times in life we feel like something broken and sitting on the shelf. Along comes someone who helps us move through those feelings and towards a better version of ourselves. Not a different version with someone else's ideals imprinted on us and pushing us towards being someone different, but a version of ourselves who is a little more refined than before, a version of ourselves we can look in the mirror and know we are overcoming our weaknesses and reflecting the image of our Savior.

I missed the majority of Elder Holland's talk, found here, but what I did hear was simply amazing. He always seems to hit the nail right on the head each and every conference. I love listening to his words of gentle {ok well sometimes not so gentle!} rebuke followed by words of encouragement and strength. His talk was entitled Like a Broken Vessel and spoke to how at times in our lives we feel like a broken vessel, barely making the ends of our lives meet together from mental or emotional distress or illness. We feel alone, ashamed, scared, useless, and like a second hand shirt left by the wayside. I love his reminder though. "We are infinitely more than our limitations or our afflictions." How powerful is that thought? Society would have us labeled by our shortcomings, but not our Savior, not the one who was willing to lay down his own life for us all so we could return to our Father. We are not defined by our tragedies or our shortcomings.

This is what conference is about, it is about learning we are more than our limitations and our afflictions. We are truly worth more than we give ourselves credit. As President Uchtdorf reminded us in his talk we need to doubt the doubts before we question our faith.  It's easy to doubt our faith, easy to let that one thought inside that tumbles down the mountains in our mind and becomes a mighty avalanche of heartache, worry, doubt, fear, and feelings of being unworthy of our Savior's forgiveness. We forget the atonement is for us all, regardless of our sins.

I love General Conference. I love hearing their words and the spirit is brings into our homes and hearts as we take their words and apply them to our lives. I love being able to look at my fellow member's feeds and see their reactions to their words and how quickly they spread these days. Most of all though, I love how their words of encouragement help me to become a better version of myself, the version of myself I know my Father in Heaven and my Savior see of myself. I love knowing I can carry their words with me wherever I go now and they can carry me through the hard times in life.
                                                                     

I look forward to April when we can once again join together as members of the church and hear the words prepared for us. We are truly blessed to live in a day and age where we can listen to their words and have them with us with such immediacy to incorporate into our lives. 

...And I'm a Mormon

I know we've all seen the commercials, billboards, and other such things with the ...and I'm a Mormon tag line {because let's face it most of you reading this are actually Mormons ;) } but I've never really taken the time to tell the world I am a Mormon. Not because I'm ashamed or scared of repercussions of my religious belief, I faced plenty of questions, comments, and my fare share of jokes in high school. I don't always share because my belief is something I hold quite personal and sacred. I don't feel the need to always explain why I believe what I believe and know to be true and I don't always feel like explaining for the millionth time I do not have multiple mothers {Except those who I love and adore and took the time to make sure I was staying in line growing up} and I do not live on some commune. After this weekend thought I thought it was maybe about time I opened up and shared a little bit about why I believe what I believe and how that belief has shaped me as a person.

We were living in Cape Cod, Massachusetts when the missionaries first knocked on our door. My mom had joined the Church back in the mid 70's when my aunt and uncle were dating and subsequently married. After they married mom remained for a little longer in activity, but the lack of rides and the distance to the church building {an a certain man named Steve Vaught} mom eventually went inactive. Throughout the 80's we were not members of the Church. Mom went occasionally, I remember reading in my baby book she brought me to church a few times when we were living in either South Carolina or in San Diego, but other than that we were not really involved in church. We did the usual Vacation Bible School on base and with some of the surrounding churches near the base while we lived in New Orleans, but it wasn't a steady thing. I still have one of the little crafts we did in VBS. It's hung above my bed pretty much since I made it and even today I still have it hanging up as a reminder for myself.

My beautiful Aunt Nikki

1991 was a rough year. We lost my aunt that Thanksgiving and it changed our lives in countless ways. We struggled with her passing and it brought to the surface many questions for us all. We missed her funeral. Mom had something wrong with a pinched nerve and lost the feeling in her arm. We were on our way down and had to stop in Mystic, Connecticut for the ER because she's couldn't feel anything and dad was worried something else was going on. Long story short we ended up never making it down because of the problem and had to return to the Cape for mom to see her regular doctor and get to the bottom of the matter.

1992 rolled around {yes I know that was 21 years ago!} and we were all still trying to figure things out as best well all could. I don't remember the exact month the missionaries showed up, but it was sometime in the spring because by the summer we were taking the discussions and by September 27th we were baptized. I remember the missionaries coming in to teach us the discussions, first to our dad and then to us. Dad wanted to know what the whole deal was before he involved us in with the discussions. We used to go into the basement and play while they were teaching. Little did dad know most of the time we sat on the steps and listened while he was being taught. Eventually though he was on board with us taking the discussions and from there well the rest is almost 21 years of history.

The conversion process though happened over a period of time. I'm reminded of a few really awesome talks about the conversion process. First is from Elder David A. Bednar {my second favorite only behind President Henry B. Eyring} and is Converted unto the Lord from the 2012 October General Conference. I absolutely love listening to him speak because he always seems to know exactly what I need to hear. I love this talk though for several reason, first of which is because he is talking about the Apostle Paul. Paul is by far one of my favorite people. I was blessed to teach Sunday School during the New Testament and the more I read about him the more I just absolutely loved reading his words. To see the man and apostle he became through his words is simply amazing. I love his story because through it we see what Elder Bednar describes as the deepening of a testimony. It becomes something more than a testimony when it becomes rooted to our being and in our hearts. Paul was truly converted to the gospel. I want that same conversion and I strive in my life to continue to aling my will to that of my Heavenly Father.

The second talk is from Elder M. Russell Ballard and is called Now Is The Time from the October 2000 General Conference. This talk is amazing and really speaks to how the conversion process and is for both new and "old" memebers. Being truly converted like Paul doesn't happen over night and is not only for new members. Even as a long time member now I can truly say it is not something which happens over night. My testimony grows and expands as time passes and I learn more through lessons, talks, General Conference, the temple, scripture study, and priesthood blessings. Conversion also means opening your mouth and sharing what you know to be true.

So here it is, here is why I am after all these years still a Mormon {even though I actually prefer the term Latter Day Saint} and why I will remain so until the end of my days: it's true. The gospel, every little bit of it is true. I don't say this because I've relied on someone else to tell me it's true; I know it's true with every ounce of my being because I've built my own testimony. I've asked the questions Moroni challenged in Moroni 10: 3-5 and I know without a shadow of a doubt the gospel is true. I know our Savior, Jesus Christ, gave his life for us in the Garden of Gethsemane and suffered for us on the cross in Calvary. I know He came to this earth to bring us home to our Heavenly Father. I know I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and you and only wants the best in life for all his children. I know I'm an imperfect person and I make mistakes but my Heavenly Father put in place a plan for me to overcome my shortcomings as a human being so I can return to his presence. I know Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God who restored the gospel. I know and sustain Thomas S. Monson as a prophet, seer, and revelator for our day and time.  I don't just believe, I know.

It sounds simplistic and some may question it, but my knowledge comes from 21 years of devotion. 21 years of opening my scriptures and finding answers. 21 year of listening to General Conference and feeling that burning feeling of hearing truth spoken. 21 years of saying countless prayers, offering up countless thanks and pleas to my Heavenly Father and finding answers in the quite and still moments. It comes from standing in holy places each and every week, partaking of the sacrament each Sunday, serving others when the opportunities are presented, pouring over the good, the bad, and the ugly. It comes from having stood in the Sacred Grove and feeling the lasting presence of the First Vision, of standing in Nauvoo and feeling the spirit still lingering there, and of being seal together as a family for time and all eternity. My testimony is simple, but bears the marks of 21 years of trials, tribulations, joy, happiness, and laughter. As Elder Bednar says: "Thus, the powerful combination of testimony and conversion unto the Lord produced firmness and steadfastness and provided spiritual protection."

For more information about the Church visit: lds.org, mormon.org  or feel free to ask :)

30 Days of Gratitude: Day 3

Atlanta Temple December 2011

I love the temple. I love everything about the temple, the work I do there, the women with whom I have the supreme pleasure of working with and of course the peace and comfort I feel inside these sacred walls. Waking up at six in the morning isn't the easiest thing to do on a Saturday morning, but somehow we manage to pry ourselves from out nice warm bed and take solace in this holy place. I am thankful each Saturday I can enter this house and participate in these sacred ordinance and I am eternally grateful for the blessings the temple has brought into my life.

Nauvoo Temple

The final part of our short journey led us to Nauvoo. We had never been before and honestly by the time we arrived we were so hungry and tired that we didn't enjoy that first night at all. We ended up in our hotel room eating greasy pizza with muscles bunched up after the six hour drive from Missouri. 

The next morning we were dragging, exhausted from the previous day and from the pending 8 hour drive home. Our hotel came with a coupon for the restaurant down the street to we trudged through getting ourselves ready and really rethought the whole thing when we realized how hot it was outside. But alas we had only paid for one night so down the street we went.

This view reminded us though that the trip was worth it. As you can see the morning was little cloudy, but it lent well to the somber feeling we all had as we walked across the street to see the temple. It is stunning in all of it's beautiful morning glory. Standing as a resolute reminder of what once was and what has become. 

We do not have any pioneer ancestors so I cannot say that we lost family then, but as converts to the church I am ever so grateful for their sacrifice. I'm in love with this temples. I've had the great fortune to see a number of temples, but none with the detail work of this temple. The Nauvoo temple is one of a kind and is full of symbolism. 

I'm in awe of this temple and knowing that the design was very much similar to the original. We were all a little reluctant to leave temple grounds. Then again who isn't reluctant to leave the one place you can find peace in a crazy world of insanity.

One thing we did not realize was the temple runs special Monday sessions, but alas we had no church clothing and for us entering those doors in street clothes is not really an option. Just one more thing that will give us an excuse to return one day and do a session there. 

The sun was starting to make an appearance around the time we made our way across the street to see the beautiful flowers. The flowers were beautiful but unfortunately they were being eaten alive by the june bugs. This was shortly after the terrible flooding so I am sure the bugs were a little bit in heaven from all the ripe breeding conditions.

I realize now this looks a little crooked, but I love this picture. The sun slighting peeking through, the image of Joseph and Hyrum on horseback with the temple in the foreground. Some have misconstrued our perception of Joseph, and this is not the time nor place for the discussion of those thoughts, but I for one hold him in high esteem. In the end he gave all for his belief and at the end of the day you cannot argue with his steadfastness.

Our time with the temple came to a close far too soon, but we knew if we wanted to see more we would have to leave. I snapped this as we were leaving temple grounds. I love the reminder each of the temples bear of the sacred nature of the temple and to whom the temple truly belongs.