I'm not broken...I'm just single

Sister Linda K. Burton

This past Saturday I was so fortunate to attend a Relief Society Conference for our stake. I won't lie I was excited to attend the conference, but I cannot say I was completely bursting at the seams. I had never had the chance and opportunity to hear from the Relief Society General President in person before and since Sister Burton was still so new in her calling I really hadn't had much of a chance to connect with her as I had with previous presidents. I'm happy to say though by the end of the meeting my thoughts and feelings had completely changed. This is one incredible woman. We heard from a few of our local sisters, including our lovely and amazing stake RS President. She is just so funny and I love listening to her. She's this cute Southern woman with just the sweetest nature. Love her. 

Sister Burton was the main speaker though and we were given such great council and wisdom during her time with us. The theme for this conference was Bless the One; you can guess the focus was on how to reach out and bless the lives of those around us, even if we only reach one person. I loved the way she presented the conference theme though. Instead of presenting it as a statement : Bless the One. she delivered it as a question : Bless the One? We get caught up with the grand ideas in life of reaching as many people as possible, but when we touch the lives of just one person we never know how far and reaching that blessing can bring for the future. She told us some beautiful counts of sisters lives who were changed because someone reached out a blessed their lives through something as simple as a a few words of encouragement. She gave some great words of encouragement along with the gentle shove to get out behinds in gear and help with the work we are charge with doing each day. I love when we sisters get our do better talks. Ours are always with loving and encouraging words; the brethren though I do not envy because their do better talks are serious kicks in the pants!

After she finished with the group as a whole she had a meeting with the single sisters who were in attendance. Now I will say there is a conception that sisters in the Church are not valued as anything more than for being baby making machines. For those of you who really know the Church you know this isn't the stance of the Church, but rather something more along the lines of the cultures stemming from people's ideas, even if they are wrong. For the next 45 minutes she listened to these single sisters wonder about their lives and where they were going and how to live their lives without having a husband or children. For those 45 minutes I listened to these younger sisters and for them my heartbreaks because I remember being in their shoes once. I remember hitting 22 and thinking maybe this is the year and then 23 came followed by 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, and eventually 30 and 31. I still found myself without a spouse but somewhere down the line I found myself. 

I found myself putting off the concept I was broken or depressed because I had no spouse. I type this as someone staring down 32 in a few months who has bought a house, walked on the Great Wall of China, traveled to London, Paris and Rome, graduated from college with two bachelor degrees and now my master's degree, and a myriad of other achievements in my 31 years. I write this with the knowledge of myself and knowing I am far more than what the world sees on the outside. My being single doesn't mean I've done something wrong, doesn't mean I've made bad decisions or that I'm worthless than someone who has married and had children. What my being single means is my path in life is different than someone else's path. My being single also doesn't mean I don't know what it is like to be busy, to come home at the end of the day and still have to cook dinner, clean my house, and take care of others. Somehow this concept has been born that being single means I have so much free time in the world. I'm here to tell you I don't have free time. I barely have time some days to shower and sleep most days. And lunch, let's not go there over lunch as I most days don't even take my lunch and then wonder why at 3:45 why I have the worst headache in the world. 

There is this phrase that circulates: don't judge me because I sin differently, or something like that wording. I think the same applies here: don't judge me because I'm not married. I don't go home at night crying because I have no husband or children. I don't think my life has any less meaning because I have no children or husband. I simply think my life has taken a different turn than another's life and maybe it will include children and maybe it will not. The funny thing about the crystal ball is it only works in predicting the past not the future. Meanwhile I keep doing what I do every day and that is wake up and live my life without a question of what if or when or how because at the end of my life I don't want to look back with regrets and thinking I stood in one place until something else happened because that isn't living at all.